Dear reader, allow me to spin you a tale of mystery, suspense and intrigue. A tale which may chill the bones and quicken the heart. A true story, of course*. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin… This evening, I found myself sitting idle, restless, so decided to cross […]
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At the beginning of 2021 my then wife, a wonderful woman by the way, very sensibly realised that I was a massive arsehole and we agreed to go our separate ways. I won’t lie and say it’s been smooth sailing on the seas of singledom (oooh, esses) but every so […]
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When I do finally sit down in front of my laptop, that’s it. For hour after bleary eyed hour I will type until my fingers look like chunks of Pepperami smeared with lovely raspberry jam.
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Horse-Flies. Irritation? Or winged demons hellbent on the elimination of all life on the planet? I’d always assumed the former, but it would seem that i’ve underestimated these flying fiends. Until recently, i’ve relied solely on information gleaned during my 33 years on the planet, my own experience of having […]
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Dear madam, I must ask of you a moment of your time
To read this simple message, laid out for you in rhyme,
Which will, I trust, serve as explanation plain and clear
to explain to you exactly why instead of there, i’m here.
89) Use your pen to draw Winnie The Pooh’s face on your victim’s chest.
Then piss off some bees.
I just sent a very important email to Keir Starmer, supposed leader of this green and pleasant land. You can do that, y’know? You can send him your thoughts and enquiries and pleas for common sense and general reviews of his performance as PM to keir.starmer.mp@parliament.uk Obviously I am in […]
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Well hello me hearties yo-ho and welcome to 2025 which thus far looks a lot like 2024 but with more hangovers. Not for me though, oh no, I was too smart for all that nonsense this year. Last year. Yesteryear? Oh who gives a shit, 2024 deserved to be forcefully […]
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“YOU’VE ALL BEEN NAUGHTY AND NOW YOU’RE ON MY LIST!”
They could tell without doubt, Kris Kringle was pissed…
I just sent a very important email to Keir Starmer, supposed leader of this green and pleasant land. You can do that, y’know? You can send him your thoughts and enquiries and pleas for common sense and general reviews of his performance as PM to keir.starmer.mp@parliament.uk Obviously I am in […]
