The World According To Al Vimh

Some time ago now, Jamie set up an e-mail address specifically for use on sites he expected to get spammed from.
Over the years, it has proved rather useful for me, I add random MSN contacts for the purposes of mocking, sign up to assorted drivel to amuse myself and download disturbing quantities of pornog…but I digress.
The point is, everytime I log in to MSN using this address I am greeted with several MSN “friend” adds, always from odd e-mail addresses ending in a series of numerals.
These are, almost without exception, cambots.
For those of you not in the know, a cambot is a chat bot program which sends you a series of messages to try and entice you into a webcam site, enter your credit card details and enjoy a cam show by a semi clad, semi human female.
Usually I block these addresses and report them for spam abuse but, out of curiosity, I have in the past allowed the bot to ramble on through its “conversation” to see what it comes out with.

Yesterday, I was very bored, the following conversation is the result:

[email protected] says:

Its my first day on cam goto http://www.freecamlink.net/av7y and tell me what u think, its free for today only!

AlVimh says:

WOW! Sod off.

[email protected] says:

hey, hows it going?

AlVimh says:

Will be much better without SpamBots like you attacking me

[email protected] says:

i’m 20/f your a male right?

AlVimh says:

I’m a hideous being from an unholy land.

[email protected] says:

nice, I just got off work and finally got some time to relax which site did i msg you from again?

AlVimh says:

ChicksWithDicks dot com I believe?
I signed up out of a natural curiosity! DON’T YOU JUDGE ME YOU BE-TACKLED BINT!

[email protected] says:

I know a way we can chat and have a better time.. do you cam?

AlVimh says:

C.a.m? Castrate Animals Mercilessly? You’re sick you know that…

[email protected] says:

Well i don’t do yahoo cam or any other cam because i have been recorded before… But i do know one site you can watch me on cam, that assures me no one records…

AlVimh says:

Are you from RobotBabesTakeRobotPole.com?

[email protected] says:

I mean… Do you want to see me on my cam?

AlVimh says:

Well i’m a little busy trying to rasp my own scrotum off with sandpaper right now…

[email protected] says:

Ok go to http://www.freecamlink.net/ap6k accept the invite on the page baby

AlVimh says:

But my sandpapering…
You just don’t care about my needs *sob*

[email protected] says:

sweet, fill out the info ur info.. i can not wait for you to see me baby let me find something nice to wear

AlVimh says:

Oooh, if you wear a full length raincoat, a balaclave and some pink deedy-boppers I swear i’ll lose it baby i’ll lose it!

[email protected] says:

its the sites policy to ensure no minors get access to the site, so they might ask for CC to verify your age babe.

AlVimh says:

Purely for reasons of age verification and stiffing me for a shed load of cash right?

[email protected] says:

What color Panties do you think i should wear? i might have you favorite color here somewhere…

AlVimh says:

Big white granny pants.

[email protected] says:

Your such a good boy, i’m gonna show you what good boys deserve.. you can tell me to do anything you want me to do!

AlVimh says:

Would you paint my garage? Mmmm, garage…

[email protected] says:

Ok let me know when you get in so I can invite you directly to my cam.

AlVimh says:

And might I invite you directly to eat my ass with a spoon.

[email protected] says:

u have to enter a cc, atm, or debit card so they can tell your of age, thats the ony way to see me sweety

AlVimh says:

I’m not keen on entering my card details as I prefer to work on the barter system.
I’ll offer you a bushel of turnips…

[email protected] says:

k you in yet babe??

AlVimh says:

Am I in yet? How dare you!
I’ll have you know i’m hung like a bear!

[email protected] says:

k

AlVimh says:

Don’t believe me ‘ey?
I’ll be at yours in twenty minutes.
With a bear, for comparison, and maulings.

At this point, the bot stopped messaging me.

Yes, this actually happened, this is how I spend my spare time.