WATER! WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD…

Well folks, we’ve been having a lot of fun on Twitter today, haven’t we?

We’ve been constantly bombarding the Essex Police (@essexpoliceuk) with ridiculous non-crimes, using the hashtag #policefarce

But we’ve not just been doing this for faeces and chuckles, oh no.
It’s been our light-hearted retaliation to a truly ridiculous situation.

The Essex Police have arrested a man for using Blackberry Messenge to organise…

“RIOTING”

Nope

“BURGLARY”

No

“GANGBANG”

What? NO!

No, this chap was trying to organise a waterfight.

Of course, there is more to it than that.
At least, there is probably more to it than that.
OK, there could be more to it than that.
Quite frankly, the police don’t seem to know.
So, what are we left with?

A man is arrested and will be in court to answer charges of…what?

Conspiracy To Make Wet?
Loitering With Intent To Drench?
Incitement Of Fun?

The best argument anyone can make against him is that it could be poor timing to organise any kind of mass event via social networking, given the current climate.

I don’t necessarily agree with that either, but it doesn’t matter.

Poor timing is not a crime, if it was I would have been arrested in 1997 when my mother caught me watching a pirate copy of Busty Latin Lovers just as her Wednesday book club arrived.

No, there’s only one possible explanation, given their sudden fear of water.

The police are witches.

Home Sweet…Oh.

Let me offer you a hypothetical situation, if I may?

A young couple are thrilled to find that they are expecting a child.
They both work but are struggling to get on to the property ladder and private rent is too costly.
They apply for and are accepted into council housing.
Thrilled, they move in to their new home and begin their new lives.
They do their damndest to raise their child to be kind, honest and law-abiding.
But something doesn’t quite work out and this lad, now a teen, commits an opportunistic crime during the riots.
Saddened and disappointed, they accept that he must be punished, they take him to his court date and they shed a tear as their baby boy is sent to jail for six months.
What they don’t do is return to their family home to await his return and rebuild their lives, because the council have evicted them.
I think the best way to sum up my opinion here is with the delightful simplicity of BULLSHIT.

There are very few things in this world which can be safely viewed in black and white terms, this whole “EVICT THE RIOTING SCUM!” idea needs some thought, don’t you think?

Facebook’s solved it folks

Well, little spot of trouble in London of late, huh?

It’s incredible to sit back and watch this hell unfold, the country is literally tearing itself to pieces.

And who is to blame?

Tricky one that, no?

The root cause of the unrest, the dissillusionment that a large proportion of people in this country feel, is down to the government.

Does this mean that the government is to blame for the damage and suffering which we have seen?

No, of course not, the blame for that lies at the feet of those who committed the crimes.

I’m not one hundred percent certain where I stand on this issue, I don’t care for the way the previous government left the country, I don’t agree with the coalition’s so-called efforts to take us forward.

Does that mean that I condone rioting, arson, looting and violence?

No, unless we’re talking about a McFly concert.

It’s clearly a huge and complex issue and one that has been and will continue to be blogged about by better than me.

The reason I am assaulting your eyes, once again, with my ranty goodness, is because of Facebook.

Ok, not just Facebook, Twitter is doing it too, but Facebook really kicked things off.

What’s the problem?

Ignorance, prejudice, racism and moronic, knee-jerk idiocy.

Let’s run down a few of my favourites:

1) “IT’S ALL BLACK BUGGERS!”

For the sake of my sanity, I had to evacuate Facebook today.
Racism was the largest cause of my near meltdown.

Look folks, London has a racially diverse population, there’s every possibility that you saw an awful lot of black folk amongst the riots.
Along with the white guys, of course.

Even if every damn rioter WAS black, it’s still absolutely arse all to do with race.

Perhaps I have a simplistic view of the world, but in my eyes an asshole is an asshole, I don’t care what colour it is.

2) “JUST SHOOT ‘EM ALL”

Bravo, you complete tools.

“There’s so much violence and suffering, what ever shall we do?!”

“SHOTGUN ROUNDS TO THE FACE FOR THE NEXT PERSON THAT MOVES! THAT’LL SORT IT!”

What the expletive?

You can not seriously be calling for state sanctioned murder, despite having next to no faith in mankind, I had hoped that people were better than THIS, at least.

We have a judicial system for a reason, it may be a little broken, but it’s there and it must be used.

The rioters are wrong, what they are doing is wrong, but even I don’t believe that they should be gunned down in the streets for their crimes and this is coming from a man who believes that Justin Bieber should be tried for crimes against humanity after that Shawty Lover balls that he churned out.

3) “BNP HAVE GOT THE RIGHT BLOODY IDEA”

This is never a sentence I want to see.

The BNP have never had and will never have the right idea about anything. ANYTHING.

They are claiming that the riots are due to immigration, we’ve apparently shipped in plenty angry foreigners.

I…no. There are no words to describe the stupidity of this statement.

And this is the BNP, for the love of Floaty Beard, they blame immigration for EVERYTHING.

“Did you take the rubbish out?”

“No, missed the collection”

“Bloody immigrants that is”

“Here, you seen my lighter?”

“Nah mate, probably stolen by immigrants”

“My stomach hurts”

“Foreign food that, bloody immigrants”

“Bloody immigrants” should be their campaign slogan, why sugar coat their hateful, venomous, ridiculous message?

If anyone needs to be loaded onto a plane and ejected from this country, it’s every worthless, racist BNP member.

If said plane can drop them into the centre of an active volcano, all the better.

That was hyperbole, of course, because as I said earlier we can’t resort to violence to solve our problems, if you’re planning on being a smartass, you’ve just been shot down.

Not shot, of course…ah balls to it.

I don’t know how the country is going to recover from all this, but having Nick Griffin wandering the streets with an M16 is not the answer, is it?