The List

The Sick Note

Dear madam, I must ask of you a moment of your time
To read this simple message, laid out for you in rhyme,
Which will, I trust, serve as explanation plain and clear
to explain to you exactly why instead of there, i’m here.

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Five Stages Of Phone Loss

Everybody is different, special, unique, which is something to be celebrated. But it’s nice to know that, no matter what, there are some things that make us all the same. Like losing stuff. I’ve lost my phone.

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Burn Baby Burn

…my Host Body was chosen for his towering intellect and massive penis, which sadly meant accepting his “beaten-with-a-brick” face and tendency to develop severe sunburn when shown a child’s drawing of the sun.

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