It’s time for number nine on my countdown, “10 Things I Hate About Yule” and it’s a doozy.
9. Christmas Adverts
Ok, the Coca Cola advert IS Christmas, I will accept that (despite the fact that i’m always secretly hoping that the truck will skid off the road and take out a few of those smug looking kids, but never mind that)
However, there have been some truly diabolical Christmas adverts over the years, which just make me want to punch the nearest Santa in the sack.
Here some of the worst offenders of 2010:
i) Waitrose – Delia Smith cooks some beef
Ok, first and foremost, don’t tell me how to cook beef at Christmas.
Some people might not like turkey, I don’t care, if they don’t want to eat turkey, the chances are they already know how to prepare their preferred alternative.
Secondly, it’s a commercial break, I don’t want a cookery show inbetween segments of whatever i’m watching which, considering the glut of them on the moron box these days, is likely to be a cookery show.
Last of all, Delia uses the term “shimmeringly hot”. Shimmeringly. Hot.
I swear to god Smith, I will Hansel & Gretel you in a heartbeat.
ii) John Lewis – Ellie Goulding winges and we see various morons
Am I seriously the only person who wants the kid at the end to get savaged by that dog?
I think I could cope with this advert, people wrapping presents, Christmas spirit, yadda yadda yadda.
But what the hell is with the Ellie Goulding song?
If you like Ellie Goulding, good for you, I hope they find a cure one day.
But like her or not, would a Christmas song have been so hard to come by for this ad?
I know people who wept when they saw this advert. WHY?! WHY?!?!
I can only imagine they were thinking about John Lewis’ prices…
iii) Coca Cola – Yup. The trucks.
Yes, in a twist worthy of Shyamalan, well, better than Shyamalan, i’ve come back round to the Coca Cola advert.
My issue with this advert has nothing to do with the advert itself, it’s the fact that everyone is whittering on about it on Facebook, Twitter, MySp…ok so no-one is on MySpace, but everywhere else.
Yes, it is a truly festive commercial.
Yes, it has become a Christmas tradition.
No, I do not care whether or not you’ve seen it yet.
Yes, I will come to your home and garotte you with your own fairy lights if you mention it again.
There are thousands of other adverts but i’ve got to go scan every channel for hours until I see those Coca-Cola trucks.
Back soon with number eight…