Tag Archives: farce

It’s All Gone A Bit Far

A news story, brought to my attention by the always lovely Flayman, has me frothing at the mouth more than i’ve ever mouth-frothed and by CRIKEY I have frothed in the past. The story concerns a young lad who decided to make a joke on Facebook. A joke about riots. Here, have a read of this.

When first wondering how best to address this issue, all I could come up with was BALLS! BALLS! BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS!!! It’s ridiculous. This lad decided to have a bit of a laugh at the expense of a difficult time. Fair dinkum. When I heard that Pavarotti had died my immediate reaction was to make a joke about the Three Tenors being down to a score. Not my best work and most assuredly in bad taste but if you don’t laugh at all the awful crap that goes on in this world, you’ll never stop crying.

Now this chap faces a “lengthy custodial sentence”, which is quite frankly a fucking outrage. You know what a suitable punishment would be? Sod all, obviously, but if the judicial types are dead set on giving him a telling off, i’d like to see this happen…

JUDGE: “You have been found guilty of breach of the peace, somehow. We’re not sure how. Stupid really, huh? Ah well, i’ve got to do something about it now I suppose.”

LAD: “It was a joke, your honour. I’m truly sorry.”

JUDGE: “Obviously it was a joke, but it’s these damnable jobsworths you see, my hands are tied.”

LAD: “I understand. I hope you won’t be too hard on me?”

JUDGE: “I’ve no idea. Not a custodial sentence, obviously. That would be sodding ridiculous, right?”

*laughter throughout the court*

JUDGE: “Well, do you promise to delete any friends from Facebook who might be stupid enough to think you actually wanted them to riot?”

LAD: “Absolutely!”

JUDGE: “Good enough for me. On you go, you cheeky wee scamp”

That would do me. What i’d really like to see, mind you…

JUDGE: “He’s up for what? Bollocks! Case dismissed.”

But that won’t happen. Here’s my favourite piece of drivel from the article.

Sheriff George Way deferred sentence until next month for background reports – and released Allan on bail conditions including a ban on using the internet.

But he warned Allan: “On a comparative basis a very lengthy custodial sentence is inevitable.”

Inevitable. In-fecking-evitable. How? How is it inevitable? Surely common sense and basic human bloody decency should prevail here. Someone has to look at this case and say “Y’know, sending this lad down for several years…well, that’s just bloody stupid”.

But no, that won’t happen. Do you know why? Because people are that stupid.
I tell you, it’s enough to make me want to riot.

 

He's here…

Unless you’re living under a rock, you’ll be well aware that the Pope has blessed our nation with his presence.
I wish I lived under a rock…

Believe it or not, I am not an intolerant figment of the imagination, I believe that everyone has the right to follow whichever faith they so choose.
I also believe that faith can be a great comfort during times of hardship and a guiding light for those in need of direction.
Disclaimers aside, I couldn’t give the sweat from a goat’s anus about the Pope’s visit.

I’m sure many Catholics will be overjoyed at the opportunity to lay eyes on their Supreme Figurehead but leave me well enough
alone!

You see, the Holy C (guess what the C stands for?) is not a big fan of same sex marriage, not overly keen on the ordination of women, can’t quite get behind the idea of birth control, but does love a bit of Hitler.
We are talking about a man in a dress that looks suspiciously like a member of the Ku Klux Klan, who’s visit has cost the UK
taxpayer £12m, for the love of the deity of your choice!

Now i’m hearing that the Pope is leading an assembly of nearly 4000 children, but considering the church’s recent abuse scandal, the question really is where’s he leading them?
Personally, were I the PR guy behind this trip, I might have avoided the “Pied Pope” look and opted for something more wholesome, perhaps he could offer children sweets from his seat in the PopeMobile, no, wait…

Whatever your opinion of the Vatican’s Chief Wizard, the amount this is costing the average taxpayer is ludicrous, surely we can all agree on that?
Well, I say all, all of us who’re not hypnotised by the big hat.