Brick By Brick

Video games are bloody marvellous, aren’t they? They’re tons of fun to play and look ever so nice sat on a shelf, or in big piles, or heaped in the corner of the room, gathering dust. Oh…

Yup, i’m digging through my “pile of shame”, folks. All gamers have one, you know. A collection of games that we’ve yet to complete or haven’t even started. Sometimes, there’s tons of stuff left to do, in other cases there’sĀ one buggerdly achievement to squeeze out and all the while, companies keep releasing new, shiny games which simply MUST be purchased and added to the pile.

My pile of shame isn’t as large as some (my pal Alan has a collection of unplayed games so massive that the heap has it’s own considerable gravitational pull) but there’s a lot of unplayed and unfinished titles in there and I recently decided to dig in and get some of them finished. Which brings me to my little self-set challenge.

I’ve promised myself that, before 2017 ends (assuming the world doesn’t explode between now and then) and 2018 comes knocking, I am going to max the achievements in every single Lego title made by Traveller’s Tales.

The TT Lego games are some of my absolute favourites. They’re tons of fun to play, have some incredible, laugh-out-loud moments in cutscenes and Marital Unit and both Child Units are all fans, so i’ve always got a couch co-op partner ready and willing to jump in with me.

Of course, having been a fan of the Lego games since the first Lego Star Wars way back in 2005, i’ve already maxed a few of them. There’s a lot of work left to be done, though. Let’s run through the list.


Lego Indiana Jones: Original Adventures (Xbox 360)
Lego Batman (Xbox 360)
Lego Harry Potter: Years 1-4 (Xbox 360)
Lego Star Wars III: The Clone Wars (Xbox 360)
Lego Pirates Of The Caribbean (Xbox 360)
Lego Batman 3: Beyond Gotham (Xbox One)

These are done. Done-diddly-doodly-done. I’ve pulled every single achievement out of them and can happily set them aside and move on to…


Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga (Xbox 360)

I’ve done all but two of the achievements in this game and it’s taunted me for some time. To max this, I have to 100% the game (just a few bits and pieces to finish up, mostly race based if I remember rightly) and then play an entire level online. When I was working through this, no-one I knew had it. That’s soul destroying, right there. The good news is it’s now backwards compatible on Xbox One AND is free with Games With Gold as of the 16th of June. This one is getting knocked out in a night.

Lego Indiana Jones 2: The Adventure Continues (Xbox 360)

Just 3 achievements to go for. Why did I leave th-OH GOD I REMEMBER! I remember EXACTLY why this is unfinished. It was a hell of a lot of fun to play through in Story mode. It was a lot of fun to play through for a second time in Free Play. It got bloody wearing playing through it for a third time in Quick Play. That being said, I could have put in a few hours grinding and gone through that, but trying to complete Hangar 51 in under five minutes…it broke me. I’m not looking forward to this one.

Lego Harry Potter: Years 5-7 (Xbox 360)
Lego Batman 2: DC Super Heroes (Xbox 360)
Lego The Lord Of The Rings (Xbox 360)
Lego Marvel Super Heroes (Xbox 360)
The Lego Movie Videogame (Xbox One)
Lego The Hobbit (Xbox One)
Lego Jurassic World (Xbox One)
Lego Marvel’s Avengers (Xbox One)
Lego Worlds (Xbox One)

Everything above i’ve started, done a bit, then been pulled away. Lots and lots to do there and that’s before I even get to…


Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy (Xbox 360)
Lego Dimensions
Lego Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Lego City Undercover

Hell, I haven’t even bought Force Awakens or City and there’s a few from the unfinished list that I had back when I used to trade in games, so i’ll need to pick them up again. I’m actually ADDING to my pile of shame here. What’s wrong with me?! OH GOD WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE!?

But yeah, Lego games. Bloody brilliant. Give them a whirl.

I’ll give an update on this challenge in a week or six. Keep ’em peeled.


I Want To Be The Very Best (And Screw You If You Have A Problem With That)

There’s a whole lot of you who are ragging on Pokemon Go. To those who’ve posted negative comments regarding this innovative and entertaining game, I have one question.

What’s your fucking problem?

Pokemon Go is a lot of fun. It’s getting people out and about, it’s helping people meet, it’s…it just is what it is. If you don’t fancy playing, then that’s fine, but why do you feel the need to rag on people who do?

There are tons of things that you all get up to which make no sense to me. For example…

I do not understand why people post pictures of their meals. A lot of the time, I don’t even care whether or not you’re taking in sufficient sustenance so I sure as several shades of sloppy shite don’t give a damn what said sustenance looks like.

I don’t get people who dress up their pets. Dogs have fur. That is perfectly adequate. They don’t need a sodding romper suit or top and tails and I sure as hell don’t need to see it.

I really cannot understand people who waste any of their precious hours on this planet watching trash like X-Factor, I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Here, The Only Way Is Essex or anything with that prick Keith Lemon in it.

These are things that you, the general (mostly Facebooking) public enjoy and I leave you all to it. I might make a jibe, I might rant for comedic effect, but you’ll never see me post anything like the crap i’ve been subjected to of late.

“HAHAHAHA! Playing Pokemon is lame! You’re lame! Be an adult like me! Do adult things. I’m going to go for a run because moving quickly makes me a better person than you and then i’m going to drink six litres of wine and watch some pricks from Chelsea talk about their sparkly vaginas, or something”

Piss off. I don’t want to do that. I want to get out there, find myself a Pikachu and ruin the Yellow gym that I think has popped up near Tesco.

I love Pokemon and the idea of being able to hunt them for real, so to speak, thrills me. It’s something that I can do with the kids, too. A fun activity to enjoy together.

I’ve read accounts of people meeting through Pokemon, making friends, having great fun. I read about one woman who was moved to tears by the impact the game has had on her son, a young, autistic lad who broke from his routine and interacted with people in a way that was completely new to him. I saw a brilliant post on Facebook suggesting that people cast spare Pokemon lures at children’s hospitals, so that the children stuck on the wards can play and have a smile now and again. I ask you, you whining bunch of joyless goits, what’s wrong with that?

Say you don’t understand the appeal, fine. Have a bit of a pop for a laugh, fair play. Direct actual misery and hate towards something which just doesn’t deserve it in any way, shape or form? You’re probably a bastard.

Game for a laugh

Palms slick with sweat, heart racing, I gently squeeze the trigger.
My target has no idea that he is just moments away from a grizzly end.
Just a little more pressure and…the batteries die in my controller.
I manage to get a replacement pack slotted in just in time to see four members of the opposing squad rhythmically squatting over my fresh corpse.

Welcome to the world of online gaming.

I have always loved online multiplayer, from the epic RPG world of Ultima to the blood soaked battlefields of Halo and C.O.D.

But despite by great love of these games, there is much about the online gaming world which is truly irksome:

1) Chatter:

I am an X-Box 360 gamer and I have an official 360 Headset.
With this I can talk to friends and teammates when playing online, whether that be inane babble about day to day life or focused team chat and strategies to overcome the obstacles presented to us by the game in hand.

Thanks to this headset, I can also hear every American gamer who feels the burning need to ask me if I am related to Harry Potter, or whether I am currently eating crumpets.

I can, thank the lord, hear the blaring, distorted music of all who choose to sit one inch from their sound system when settling in for an evening with their console.


2) Camping:

For those not in the know, camping is simply defined as staying in one place to gain a tactical advantage.
Sounds fair, I suppose, I mean, you’re in the game to win, right?

Wrong. Winning is tremendous, it’s a treat, it really is.
But surely the purpose of online gaming is to have fun?

My question is, what fun is to be had from sitting in a small room, staring at a door, hoping to kill whoever might come to said door?
The answer, none, it’s tedious as all hell.

I’ve tried it, sure I racked up a fair few kills but then I slipped into a boredom induced coma and woke up to find the game over and my shirt soaked in what I can only hope was MY drool.

Campers, pack up the tents, grow a pair and get in the game.

3) Lag

Lag is the delay between a player’s action and the games re-action.#
Simply put, if I pull the trigger and it takes a few seconds before the bullet drops out the end of my rifle, i’m going to have a bad night.

I cannot begin to describe the gut-wrenching, soul-destroying feeling of squeezing off a beatifully lined up sniper round, only to stare in bemusement as the slug slams into a wall which was, just seconds before, an opponents smug grin.

Said opponent had, of course, left hours ago but due to the lag, you’re still seeing him in his previous position.

Generally that means his CURRENT position is directly behind you with a knife in his hand and a smile on his face.

You know, the more I think about it, the more I wonder why the hell I play these games.
Sod it, anyone for chess?