It has been suggested that I have judged Justin Bieber somewhat
harshly.

I took an instant dislike to the lad simply because he resembles a
strangled ferret, sounds like a strangled ferret and has all the
personality of a…well, you see where this is going.

However, i’ve never actually listened to any of his music.

So, I settled down to a night of Youtube to educate myself in the
melodic ways of Bieber.
After half an hour, I blacked out.

My doctor has informed me that it is not OK to bleed from the ears
quite so profusely, so for medical reasons actual auditory analysis
of the little moron’s music is a no-go.

In lieu of actually hearing his “bangin’ toons” I have read some of
his lyrics.

What language is this?

I have spent many hours with my replica Rosetta Stone, various
translation programs and the entire works of Dan Brown and I
believe I have deciphered some of his work.

And so I present, Translating Bieber – Part 1:

LYRIC :

Cause shawty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova

TRANSLATION :

I know of a young woman who suffers from congenital dwarfism.Cruelly, we refer to her as “Shorty”She selects men at random, with the intent of instigating a short
term sexual relationship.

LYRIC :

Them other guys?I can see right through ya.

TRANSLATION:

I have no idea why that group of men are standi…GREAT SCOTT!
YOU HAVE BECOME ENTIRELY TRANSPARENT!

LYRIC :

And I was likeBaby, Baby, Baby ooh

TRANSLATION :

Devastated by the loss of my supposed true love, I could do nothing
but utter my pet name for her repeatedly and whimper like a puppy
with his testicles caught in a door.

LYRIC:

She knows she got me dazing cus she was so amazing

TRANSLATION:

This young lady is incredible, such is her beauty and grace that it
dampens coherent thought.She may very well have drugged me…

LYRIC :

I’m gone.Yeahh, yeah, yeah.

TRANSLATION :

If you are reading this note, I am no longer here.Before I left, I shouted “Yeah”Please txt me if you still hear the echo, i’m trying to win a bet.

LYRIC :

You see I never thought that I could walk through fire

TRANSLATION :

Does anyone have any Savlon?

LYRIC :

And i’m fast enough to run across the sea

TRANSLATION :

Following a recent head injury, I suffer sporadic episodes of
delusion.Currently, I believe that I am Jesus.

I will now take some incredibly strong painkillers and have a long
lie down.

I will bring you more when I have the strength.

2 thoughts on “Translating Bieber – Part 1”

  1. Kt, not all young people are numb with there music taste. theres some out there that listen to good music, like 80s 70s and rock etc.(like i) and yes, hes still a kid hun. I do like this post though, chuckled me muchy. xxx

  2. Harsh! lest ye forget we were all young and dumb at some point in our lives. some ppl for most or their entire lives hahaha but you never know he’s still just a kid

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