Those of you who follow my Twitter feed may have noticed my occasional plea for votes in the Shorty Awards.
Sure, I didn’t make a big deal of it, some of you may not have even known, but I was nominated and, if I was capable of positive emotions, I would have been thrilled.

Would you like to know what doesn’t thrill me?

Being beaten in the Shorty’s by Louis Tomlinson.

Don’t know who he is? No, probably not, because people who read this blog tend to be rather intelligent and enjoy actual entertainment as opposed to the shash which takes up 90% of broadcast time in this country.

Louis Tomlinson is a member of the band One Direction, a band which came third in the 2010 series of The X-Factor.

Now, there is a #music category in the Shorty Awards and despite the fact that the horrendous, shrieking noise which issues forth from the mouths of Tomlinson and his fellow brain donors CANNOT be classed as music…and breathe…I accept that this is my opinion and their fans have every right to vote for them within this category.

However, I did snatch a tweet from amongst the slathering hordes which clearly stated the intentions of the fans.

It would appear that, irrespective of any actual elligibility for the categories, the fans are determined to get the assorted members of One Direction to the top of every table, if at all possible.

Which is why I find myself trailing behind a man whose comedy gems include this, this and, Jesus Christ, this.

Seriously people? You want THIS to win a HUMOUR award?!

Dara O’ Briain beating me? Fair bloody play.
Stephen Fry? I would have it no other way.
This walking puddle of pizzle? That’s a kick square in the comedy nethers!

The worst part, that’s not even the main issue here tonight…

The thing is, i’d planned a little diatribe about this subject anyway, but the National Television Awards are happening even as I spew this bile forth into the word processor.

As it turns out, the ass-hats who have scuppered my hopes of an award have taken it too far now.

“QI” and “Mock The Week”, for my money two of the finest, funniest television shows now or ever, have lost out in the Best Entertainment category to “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here.”

Mmmm. Hmmm.

“I’m A Name You Might Remember, Get Me Exposure” has pipped actual entertainment to the post and I am baffled as to why?

I realise the government are currently reforming the NHS but I didn’t realise their first move was free lobotomies for all?

I might pitch an idea for a show to ITV, titled “Celebrities In Beige”

Constant, 24 hour coverage of a group of celebrities in a small, beige room, not speaking, not moving, just being there and being beige.

Personally, I think i’m on to a winner.

One thought on “You won what? How?!”

  1. after actually reading *this, this, and jesus chris, this*, I am fully convinced. Louis Tomlinson is actually anti-funny. an i am angry with his usurping people who actually have comedic talent. BEHEAD HIM! oh wait am i gonna hear from authorities for posting that and it being taken as an actual death threat and not a stab at…ya know…comedy?

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